I was laying on the couch on Sunday at James'; talking to each other when he picked up my phone and started snapping photographs. I dare say he was mimicking me as I am forever wanting to take a photograph of us. He is not always so compliant so I have a few grumpy, eye-rolling, and funny faces of us together which is known as 'Carly-attempted-to-take-a-photograph-with-James'. That's okay, they are memories. Which is why I like taking photographs.
Anywho, back to me laying on the couch.
I was wearing a black cap sleeve top with my grey shorts. Nothing fancy. I've recently had a few outbreaks of pimples and so my face was red from a squeezing frenzy. Not feeling overly sexy, but I didn't feel terrible.
He finished snapping the photographs.
A while after I looked at the said photographs.
I think something along the lines of I look fat/terrible/etc came out of my mouth. He immediately extinguished these phrases telling me that I looked the opposite. Then it is said, if I am not happy with myself then why aren't I doing something.
And really why the fuck aren't I?
Nothing will change unless I want it to. I keep eating takeaway. I keep not going to the gym. So realistically I am never going to feel great about myself until I start eating better and getting my body moving.
I had motivation at the beginning of the year and it disappeared. Time to find it again.
It is not about being happy at a certain size, it is about me being happy with myself.
There it is. Hello motivation.