Lately I have been feeling extreme bouts of low self-esteem. It is not something I am proud to admit, rather after weeks and weeks of feeling this way, I finally posted an image to instagram explaining my 'meh-ness'.
It is not easy for me to look in the mirror and only negatively see my body. I normally can pick one thing, at the very least, that I love. Over the last few weeks this hasn't been the case.
I went to the gym with James on Saturday night and noticed a set of scales. I was scared, terrified even, to step on them and see a number that I wasn't sure I could handle. I was almost certain I would be heavier then the heaviest I have been. My weight has a habit of fluctuating between eighty-ninety kilograms. I was certain I would be over ninety.
Eighty-eight kilograms flashed up. Sure I had my shoes on, it was almost six in the night and I hadn't eaten great foods throughout the day, but I felt relieved. That even though I was feeling extremely crappy about my body the last few weeks that it might have been a little in my head. I know I am my harshest critic, but it honestly felt like I had ballooned out.
This is not a post about losing weight; it is about me getting my head and body healthy. I will be;
. eating healthier but still enjoy foods I love;
. exercising more; and
. creating positive body image thoughts.
I have been wanting to start the paleo diet, but I honestly am not sure how I will survive without sugar. I hope that once I start eating better foods, I will be able to work towards the paleo diet.
This Saturday, and every Saturday after I will weigh and measure myself, I will set my goals and give my weekly update.
Cheer me on?